Gotta find some way to exploit an uncomfortable situation . . .

Well, I suppose 'mushroom in the oven' could become a phrase.

Well, I suppose ‘mushroom in the oven’ could become a phrase.

Pregnancy is an event that creates strong emotions (and not just the hormone-inducing kind). When you find out you have started the production of a creature from your very loins, the reaction is either ‘yay’ or ‘uh oh’. Rarely is someone to simply shrug and blurt ‘meh’. (Unless this is where ‘deadbeat parent-to-be’ fits?) So before this being, who’s mastered the Time Drain spell, enters your life, here are a few ways to use the situation to your video gaming advantage.

Mmm, biscuits and water . . .

Mmm, biscuits and water . . .

  1. Belly makes a great ‘thing’ holder. Drinks, food, a controller, strategy guide . . . maybe even a portable tv? These are all things you can use that big ole lady hump for. And it hardly even matters if she’s awake or not, as long as she doesn’t move too much. You know, cause the space on coffee tables, desks and end tables is just not enough for the average gamer . . .

  2. All the food you need to provide. Delivered right to your front door!

    All the food you need to provide. Delivered right to your front door!

  3. Getting out of food-providing obligations. The gaming experience can be enhanced with a little help of friends. Even if you’re just playing a single player game, there’s nothing like having a few ‘friendly’ voices heckling you from behind. (Hey, shut up! Let me see you hit that move combination!) As much fun as this can be, there is often an unspoken (or spoken, in some cases) rule of providing food, whether that’s on the part of the host or guest. Well, with a little one on the way, fret no more! Pregnant women and their various moods provide abundant excuses for why you forgot/couldn’t get around to bringing snacks and such. Hey, the worst that happens is that you stop getting invited to game night, and, depending on who your friends are, that was gonna happen anyway with a newborn in tow.

  4. Don't worry, Jessica Alba. We still love you.

    Don’t worry, Jessica Alba. We still love you.

  5. People forgive a whining pregnant woman. Think your gestating is only good for sending someone out at the middle of the night for snacks? Think again. There are other uses for your condition. Feel like someone’s hogging his/her share of DOA time? I have honestly, in the past, threatened to leave someone’s place unless I finally won a match. Looking back, it was petty, and I’m sure I came off as a bitch, but nobody wants to be responsible for making a pregnant woman leave. (Okay, so I wasn’t pregnant at the time, but if I had been, it would’ve been a more legitimate reason to say something like that!)

  6. And after you're done making me a sandwich, you can run my errands, pay the electric bill and pick up Monster Hunter 3 Ultimate.

    And after you’re done making me a sandwich, you can run my errands, pay the electric bill and pick up Monster Hunter 3 Ultimate.

  7. Best excuse ever to get out of doing stuff. Sometimes all you want to do is sit on the couch and play some video games, right? Unfortunately, there are many obligations in real life that interfere with any plans of that nature. Grocery shopping, a job, those pesky doctor appointments society would have us believe are important to prenatal care . . . Screw it all and just blame pregnancy-related issues for your inability to do anything. Common excuses can include: morning sickness, general soreness, moodiness, hey, and if you’re lucky enough to be bedridden by your doctor, just think of all the gaming time that’ll allow!

  8. Okay, you can stay up, but only until you reach the next level, then it's bedtime.

    Okay, you can stay up, but only until you reach the next level, then it’s bedtime.

  9. The next generation. Okay, now for something serious. There really is a wonderful advantage to being a pregnant gamer (or being the one to impregnate) and it comes after you get the little sucker out of your body. Sure, being a parent is great and all, but knowing you’re contributing to the continuation of the ‘gamer’ feels even better. While many of us have fond childhood memories video gaming, those of us who can recount moments involving the whole family have a different look at video games as a whole. The influence our family and parents can have on us in this respect over the influence of our friends and peers is important.
    As Geron recently lamented, many of today’s youth have a different look at what is involved in the gaming experience. Name calling, swearing, putdowns, threats, etc. I would suspect that most of the gamers who regularly use these interactions do not come from a gaming household. While banter between gamers is normal and can sometimes escalate to more objectionable yelling, this is nowhere near the awful words and feelings of hatred that are often encountered in online gaming. I would hope that a generation of gaming parents could lead to a generation of kinder gamers. Think of the children!

While many people enjoy the single life (and I consider this a viable, respectable life option), many others look forward to married life and/or parenthood. And, sure, it’s a great thing, especially when you consider the effects you can have on this future generation you’re helping to create. The other four points mentioned above? They’re just the frosting on what’s honestly a very uncomfortable 40 weeks that are a precursor to a painful 18+ years ahead of you. Sorry, did I scare your baby-makers? Couldn’t help it. Nothing like a little life honesty Kyh-style.

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